Burning Sage

Crazy stuff happening in my house lately.  Have you (or anyone you know) ever burned sage in your house? I'm thinking at this point, a preventative clearing of my house is in order.

Just-in-case.

Time for some back-up, sisters! Any advice?

Daily Notes on Fasting

   Sorry for the delay! I meant to post this shortly after the last post, but life always gets in the way. Now this seems like ages ago, but here it is:

First of all, I should clarify that I don’t recommend or endorse fasting as a way to cure or solve any problems, and I think it can be incredibly dangerous when done incorrectly or for the wrong reasons. I did a lot of careful planning and research on what to expect before embarking on this, but in an ideal world, I would have done it under medical supervision at a health spa of some kind. Alas, a luxury I did not have. Still, I found it was a safe and worthwhile option for me personally, and this is just an account of my own personal experience.

So here are the basics. First, you should ease in to a fast. Luckily, because of the candida cleanse, I was mostly on a real food / live food diet, so that helped. For the day or two leading in, you should eat lighter foods like fruit or veggie smoothies (I wasn’t eating fruit on the candida cleanse, so I had to go the veggie way).

Then what do you do for the fast?

Well, I did a hybrid that felt right for me and my situation. It was a cross between what is commonly referred to as the Master Cleanse and a water fast. Every morning, the first thing I consumed (post-toilet flushing) was a glass of water with half a squeezed lemon, a tiny bit of Grade B maple syrup, and some cayenne pepper. Drink that all down! I found it surprising delicious. Then, for the rest of the day I either drank plain water or water with lemon squeezed into it. I definitely got tired of the taste of lemon water, let me tell you. I continued to take my antifungal supplement (from the candida cleanse) and a probiotic, but I stopped all my other supplements like my daily multivitamin, my B-complex vitamin and my fish oil supplement. You’re supposed to take those with food and since I wasn’t eating anything, it didn’t seem safe. Post-fast, I think I will probably only take a multivitamin and some fish oil a few times a week to give me an extra boost. I might even add in some Biotin, but I haven’t decided yet.

So that’s it. For 8 whole days. I’ll talk later about easing out of the fast, but here is my daily account of what it was like to fast.


DAY ONE: I am so mentally ready for this. I was mentally ready yesterday, but I 1) didn’t want to jump the gun – I had set a Sunday start date and starting two days early seemed a bit much; and 2) there were some things in my refrigerator I wanted to eat, mostly a smoothie I made in preparation for my ease-in and some eggs whipped together with my delicious (and spicy) homemade mustard. But today I was SO. TOTALLY. READY. The tough part comes in when you take into account that I have two events tonight, both of which involve food: a wonderful reunion with my Brussels friends at Guapos, the greatest of Mexican restaurants, and my friend’s birthday party on her roof where there is bound to be booze and sweets. Heck, I’m bringing her a giant bag of M&Ms. Alas, no M&Ms for me. Just water and maybe a bit of lemon all day today. But that's okay!

DAY TWO: So, because I’ve been on a cleanse for three weeks, it doesn’t really bother me to be around food I can’t eat. However, there were plenty of foods at Guapos that I could have eaten, which was a bummer. I’m just resolved to reconvene the group next month for more Mexican. The birthday party was great because it was light on food and I don’t mind giving up alcohol. I still refereed a flip cup tournament (I thought we were too old for that…) and I even served the cake. A delicious chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream frosting. Mmmm… And I don’t even like cake! Still, not that big of a deal. This afternoon, I met a bunch of the girls for brunch and still, no big deal. If anything, what I’ve learned is that waiters are really concerned when you don’t order anything. Your friends kind of forget about it because you’re all laughing and telling stories and not really paying attention to what you are (or aren’t) eating. But wait staff think you’re some kind of monster. When you ask them for lemon for your water, they will definitely bring you a whole plate. So day 2? Still a breeze.

DAY THREE: First work day on the fast! I started off strong, if a bit fatigued. The gross part of the fast is, ahem, flushing your digestive system. Let’s just say that I haven’t eaten food in three days, but there is still poop for some reason. Like I said: GROSS. But just think – if I wasn’t flushing it out and down the toilet, it would still just be sitting inside of me, hanging out, setting up a permanent homestead. Better to have it out, I’d say. Toward the end of the day, things got a little worse, but I expected this. Most people claim the third day is the hump you have to get over as your body readjusts to what it can consume and where that happens in your body. So let’s just say I fantasized a lot about food and clicked “like” on a lot of recipes I found on Pinterest. All in all, it could have been worse. The key is distraction. I took a shampoo-free shower and got into bed to watch a movie and forgot all about it.

DAY FOUR: The food longing from day 3 kind of carried over into the morning. I felt extra tired, but that might also be because I was up too late watching the movie. Once I put on some dance tunes and did my make-up, I felt like a more normal me. Due to needing to get to work early, I skipped flushing my system. I feel like missing one day of this isn’t the worst thing in the world. Still just drinking water with a few squeezes of lemon juice, so go me! Halfway through! Thinking of it as being “halfway” is definitely helping my morale. I mean, I’ve made it this far, why stop? By afternoon, the annoyances of work distracted me enough that I didn’t even have time to think about food. Although I am peeing a lot. A LOT. More than I’ve ever peed in my whole life. Do most people pee this much? Jesus. I used to pee about once a day at work, but I’m probably at five or six times a day at this point. The only nice thing is that it further breaks up my day and separates me briefly from annoyances. Since I’m still experiencing general fatigue, I’m going to go to bed early tonight, skipping a movie in favor of dreams.

DAY FIVE: I can say with absolute certainty that I have crossed the hump. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have ever felt in my life. I wanted to leap out of bed and sing songs. I wanted to run a million miles (or at least to work). I felt invincible! People at work noticed the difference. There was a definite bounce in my step and everything seemed clearer around me – the world a little brighter. I think my skin even had a bit of a glow to it. A good night’s rest certainly helped bring this about, but it’s also more than that. I went to the movies and out to “dinner” (of course, I didn’t eat) with a friend tonight, and even though I watched her eat a delicious dish of crab & artichoke dip with french bread crostini, it didn’t even register with me. Probably because we were too busy being all chatty. But over all, day 5 has been the best yet.

DAY SIX: And still going strong! I wasn’t as energetic as I was yesterday, but that was partially the late night. I still feel good and strong and am generally unafflicted by hunger pangs. Toward the evening, I got sucked into staring at food on Pinterest again, but I’ve planned out my breaking of the fast next week and I think that helps. I know what I have to look forward too, and while it certainly isn’t glamorous, I am looking forward to eating food again. The taste, the texture, all of it except it actually being in my body...weird, I know. I’ve gotten used to this incredible empty feeling though. I feel like a bird, like I could almost fly. As much as I want to eat food again, and of course will, I sort of cringe thinking about the way it feels sitting in your stomach, like a rock. Even if you eat the right foods in the right amounts. Another problem today was just boredom. It’s good to be occupied on a fast, and today I was occupied mostly with pinning recipes on Pinterest. Fun, to be sure, but not as helpful as say, seeing the movie was last night. To make up for lack of sleep and to get away from food pins though, I am showering and going to bed early. Tomorrow is the long awaited day 7. (I say long awaited, but it seems like it got here fast!) Now the question is...can I go 8?

DAY SEVEN: Mission accomplished! Although I am going for day 8. That may prove tricky as the current plan for tomorrow includes more strenuous activity than I’ve undertaken on the fast. I still feel like I’ll be fine though. Today was a good day. And not that you were wondering, but the fast has not stopped me from getting a visit from Aunt Flow. I know! You totally don’t want to know! But the thing is, for the first time in...ever...I don’t have any cramps. It’s amazing and the reason is a mystery. I can’t link it directly to the fast, or the candida cleanse, but my hope is that both have worked to balance my wacky hormones. So back to day 7 – not much to say. A day like any other. Woke up, dreaded flushing my body like normal, but felt great afterward. Went to work, drank water, took a walk at lunchtime (I’ve been loving my lunchtime walks!) and then back to the computer. I left at a reasonable hour, headed home and got ready for my day out with my girlfriends tomorrow. I also got ready to do my first grocery shopping in over a week. It’s a short list since I’ll be easing out of the fast at a snail’s pace, but it all sounds delicious, especially the fruit, which I haven’t eaten in almost five weeks.

DAY EIGHT: I was up even earlier than a work day to get out to Maryland to meet up with the girls, but of course, it was totally worth it. We met for breakfast at a cute little place and I forced some more lemon water down my throat while admiring the smell of coffee (something I’ve never really had a taste for). I still don’t feel very tempted by the food of others, or at least I didn’t until our hiking plans turned into berry picking plans. Under sunny, clear blue skies, it is very difficult to pick berries and not taste one or two now and then. I found myself thinking, “Well, technically today is a bonus day...” but I stayed strong. Even after we went back to Angela’s house and she made fresh whipped cream and I sliced up some cheese and we laid out crackers and hummus. That is a post-berry-picking feast for queens, let me tell you. But again, I prevailed. When I got home later that night, I walked to the grocery store in the rain and bought my 10 items without much enthusiasm. I honestly am not looking that forward to eating again. I am...but I’m also not. So that’s it, I guess. Tomorrow’s the start of my new eating life and it all begins with fresh orange juice!



More to come on my “day 9” and the plan for easing out...

Confession

I am about to share something pretty controversial with you. More controversial than my “no poo” lifestyle. Brace yourself and keep an open mind when I say:

I recently completed an 8-day fast.

That’s right. Eight whole days without consuming any food.

So let’s go ahead and get the basics out of the way. No, I’m not anorexic. Seriously, I love food more than air. If I could I would trade air for food any day!

No, I wasn’t trying to lose weight. Unfortunately (or fortunately for those who fast for reasons that weren’t mine), weight loss is an inevitability when you fast. I can’t say how much weight I lost, but I will say that I’m looking forward to getting it back. Not just because it means I get to eat food again, but because I don’t actually want to be gross skinny. And I’m small enough as it is, so gross skinny is a real danger for me.

So why did I do it?

Well, let me back up. It all started with a candida cleanse. Which, by the way, I had great success with. I needed to clear some (or a whole lot) of yeast from my body which were messing with all kinds of things, but most especially my skin and my hoo-ha (sorry, but it’s true). I explained the cleanse to some of my friends as they commented on me not drinking alcohol and not eating certain things at parties or events or what have you. (And by the way, apparently when you are my age and live in this city and politely tell someone you’re not drinking, they will, without fail, ask you if you’re pregnant. I was tempted on several occasions to answer ‘yes,’ but alas, I never did).

One of my friends was particularly excited about the cleanse and told me how she and her boyfriend had read an article in Harper’s Weekly about fasting and had really been wanting to try it. It turns out there’s a fascinating medical history to fasting and the benefits it can have for the human body – from alleviating diabetes or stopping seizures, to even some tests on rats showing that it increases longevity.

If you think about it as I did, this makes a certain amount of sense. Humans are the only species that have the option to eat every day of the year. True, not all human are able to due to a variety of circumstances, but if you’re a working American, you probably eat three to four square meals a day every day of the year. Well, back just a couple of centuries ago, this wasn’t the case. Sometimes you were between harvests and had eaten your winter store of food and that was that. It was some dried roots or nothing at all for a couple of weeks. This alone didn’t really kill anyone as far as science can tell. It’s the same for all other animal species – none of them eat every day of the year. Sometimes there just isn’t a gazelle or some plankton or whatever. You just keep a lookout until there is and then it’s party time in your belly.

So of course it made sense to me that fasting wouldn’t kill you and was maybe even part of the natural course of living your life. The health benefits were the most interesting to me though, namely 1) detoxing and 2) repair.

I was on the candida cleanse because I needed to detox my body of some of the gross things it had built up over the years from frequent antibiotic use, especially in my youth, as well as several years of a processed, Western diet. (Can you say high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated oils for a solid 20 years?) The detox was my number one priority. Well, a fast is like a detox on steroids. Because you’re not taking in anything new really, you just are continually flushing the bad things out. –In theory anyway, I’m not a doctor, just an internet article reader.

Related to that is the idea of repair. Because your body isn’t spending energy digesting food, it can redirect that energy elsewhere. Say, to repairing cells. Repairing your digestive system. Finally fighting all those stupid yeasts that have been crowding out your good bacteria and making you break out and have athletes foot and yeast infections and tons of other really un-fun things. I definitely came a long way fighting the yeast on the candida cleanse, but the fast seemed like a nice way to top it off.

So basically, fasting is a total body reset. I fasted for 8 days, although generally speaking people recommend 10 days to get the full benefits. Given my size, I thought I’d be just fine doing 7 instead (the 8th day was a bonus). I also wasn’t committed to carrying it through no matter what since I didn’t feel I had to do it, it was just a nice add-on to what I was doing. So from the start I felt no pressure. One day? Fine. Three days? Hey, way to go! Five days? ROCKING IT! And then seven days would make me the ballingest of all ballers.

Not having the pressure to continue no matter what definitely helped. I also did a lot of research to distinguish between normal detox symptoms (many of which I experienced on the cleanse like breaking out, general fatigue, etc.) and indications that I should break the fast (e.g. dizziness, disrupted vision, fainting, serious shit like that). I knew I would stop if any of my detox symptoms crossed the line. Luckily, none of that happened to me. I was able to carry through and I’m so proud. This was also an incredible test of endurance for me, pushing my willpower and helping me to see food differently in a good way.

How’s that? Well, I proved that you can bypass cravings if you want to, for one. Just let those cravings walk on by, or, in my new eating life, replace the craving with something else (hopefully better).

So there you have it. I didn’t eat food for 8 days and I didn’t die, didn’t even really feel all that bad, and am now on my way to eating normal foods again. I was going to post my reactions/descriptions of each day, but since I waxed on so long already, I’ll save that for my next post, and then I’ll do another post about how I am following up. How do you break an 8-day fast anyway? What kinds of foods am I going to eat from now on? These were all questions I had to answer for myself, and I think I’ve settled on some reasonable ways forward.

So, as with the “no poo” saga, stay tuned for the next installment.

Two Weeks Sans Poo

   So. Hello again. It’s the dirty-haired girl! And this time my hair is actually probably a little dirty because it has been over a week since I washed it with anything except water. Just plain. old. water. Some observations:

1. Color
I was worried my hair would get significantly darker. I had previously been using John Frieda’s “Go Blonder” shampoo and conditioner, which made me a sunflower blonde, but I noticed some darkening after week one along with the oily-straw phenomenon. Happily, I’ve seen that dialed back since. My hair is a bit darker, but still wonderfully blond, except at the roots where it’s a) always been darker and b) is probably the dirtiest right now.

2. Texture
The oily-straw sensation is gone. My hair feels...kind of like Barbie hair. It’s smooth, but not necessarily soft. You can run your fingers through it, but it kind of holds its shape unnaturally...like hair play-doh. I wouldn’t say it has the most pleasant texture right now, but it’s not unbearable. If anything, I’m not sure what to do next. To keep not washing it or to give it a bit of baking soda/vinegar treatment.

3. Attention
People continue not to notice. I’ve been told several times that my hair looks great, including this weekend while berry picking. There’s no smell, nothing all that different, really, unless you touch it, and even if someone did touch my hair, I’m sure they probably wouldn’t notice the difference like I do.

   In conclusion, my hair is fine. I will probably wash with baking soda tomorrow night and see how that goes in terms of cleaning the oils generated on my scalp. For the longer term, I haven’t decided how to move forward. I don’t have a great way of storing the baking soda mixture in my shower as the baking soda is more volatile than I’d like. I’m considering going “poo-light” with a shampoo bar or organic liquid shampoo in the future, but I think I need to stick this particular process out for a few more weeks before making a final decision.

   Until then: onward! And no poo!

Get rid of all the poo!

   It’s been a week since I last shampooed my hair.

   This is not a joke. Google “no poo” and the internet will give you a host of information on the movement wherein people stop washing their hair – at least with commercial products.

   In some ways, I’m still washing my hair. But it’s a bit touch-and-go still as to whether the results approach “clean.” I’m not too concerned about it as at this stage in the process, clean is not as important as it might otherwise be.

   So what am I "washing" my hair with exactly? I’m following the standard "no poo" formula of water and baking soda for the wash and then water and apple cider vinegar for the rinse/condition. The thing is I don’t think I’ve gotten the proportions right yet, hence my sort-of-clean feeling. Is it possible for your hair to feel like straw but oily at the same time? Oh, is it ever, my friend!

   So why am I not that concerned about my hair being clean? Well, because the point of "no poo" is to get your hair off its nasty commercial shampoo and conditioner drug habit so it can return to its theoretically natural and beautiful state. This means being able to regulate scalp oils all on its own without being stripped by sodium lauryl sulfates. THAT’S RIGHT. I SAID IT. SODIUM LAURYL SULFATES.

   The good news is that nobody has really noticed the changes in my hair the way I have. Since it’s so long (which I think is part of what’s complicating my baking soda and vinegar ratios) I wear it up quite a bit – especially since it’s been such a hot summer. At that point, you’re really just getting roots, and although mine feel greasy, they don’t really look it. (Again, the straw-oily paradox).

   The internet mostly claims that people have a two to four week adjustment period for their hair – some are even longer. I’m hopeful that I’ll get balanced by the fourth week because I have a birthday bonanza weekend coming up and I’d like my head to not feel crazy, but we’ll see. Either way I’m sticking it out.

   More updates to come!

Wish List

Well, I suppose I could just copy the previously posted lists and that would be pretty accurate, but I'll go ahead and put in some effort and do a real list.

1.  A finished basement with ample shelving and storage.
2.  The pain in my lower back to disappear and never return.
3.  Some kind of financial gain/change that would allow me a little breathing room and less panic about having to take on a 2nd car payment since the hubby's car was totaled and I still have two years of payments left on my car.
4.  If I could skip #1 and instead get a ranch style home, approximately 2400 square feet of living space  (with a partially finished basement and ample shelving and storage, too), with hard surface flooring throughout and a jacuzzi tub and big walk-in shower in the master bathroom, and in the kitchen--those big, deep sinks and a built in electric double oven and a big island, I would weep with joy.
5.  A shoe shopping spree. 
6.  Clear skin.  Please.  It's completely unfair that I still get acne when I have wrinkles and it's now even more irritating because I have a white eyebrow hair and a weird hair poking out of my chin.  Curse age and hormones!
7.  An artist's easel and unlimited canvas and acrylic paint.
8.  Maid service for a month.
9.  Bad debt paid off.
10. Weekly massages.

Wishful Thinking.....

Did I forget to add these things to my Christmas list? My bad.

• someone to pay off my student loans (duh)
• an entirely new wardrobe (including shoes)
  
• clear skin (stealing this one off of sister #1's list)
• forever smooth legs (c'mon, no one likes the pokey)
• the perfect wave to my hair (oh, yes....)
  
• some CHILL THE FUCK OUT pills (with unlimited refills)

Crazy Christmas Wish List

If Santa's sleigh was big enough...

• a new, clean, adequately shelved storage area
• piano (that's always going to be on my list)
• clear skin
• better running shoes
• a just-right, cute pair of everyday-errand-running shoes
• time in a bottle (I'd uncork it whenever I needed more time to do something)

Not Forever

Does anyone (I need, like, 50 people) want to go in with me to buy a roll of 3,000 stamps?

I FOUND IT!

I was convinced I was crazy (shush, I know I'm crazy), because for most of my adolescence and adult life, I've been trying to remember the name of a movie I'd seen on TV when I was a kid.  I remember the tag line/whatever it's called when the commercial previews were on..."Mary thinks there's something under the bed.  Mary may be right."  I remember the scene with the car accident, the part where the brother falls from the roof, when the mom drops the watermelon on the floor, the creepy scene where the girl is rolling a pizza cutter along a banister, the hairdryer (or radio maybe?) when the dad was taking a bath...and the final scene when the mom looks up from her bed to see her creepy dead daughter standing there saying, "Hi Mommy."

SO creepy.

Since my memories of the move were so fragmented, I figured I must have seen it in early elementary school.  But today, after looking for something else on the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com), I found out the title was Don't Go to Sleep and it was released in 1982.  That means I would have been four.

Do you ever wonder what our parents were thinking, letting us watch stuff like that?

Profile

The hubs and I were joking a while back that we should each join a dating website and see if our profiles would lead us to being linked with each other.

We concluded that there wasn't a chance in hell we would be deemed compatible.

Almost 10 years married must mean that there's something (I think?) that keeps us together, but I started laughing, thinking about what I would put in my profile. I mean, what would I say about myself that would be meaningful, yet still paint a picture of who I really am?

I'm the offspring of MacGyver and Martha Stewart. I'm pretty optimistic, but enough of a realist that I recognize bad things sometimes happen. Laughing is one of my favorite activities and I'd like to do more of it. I'm dependable and loyal to my family and friends and will take out anyone who tries to hurt them. I have a great sense of humor, but it can be pretty dry and sarcastic. People are comfortable talking to me and I'm a great listener--so great, that I get paid to listen to people talk about their problems. I've been described by one of my closest friends as the "unusually unusual girl next door." I really enjoy reading and cooking and adore long walks on the beach...alone. I like things clean and orderly and prefer the scent of original Windex (who came up with that Crystal Rain crap?) and either lemon or outdoor fresh allergen-reducer Pledge. I've been in a long, happy and monogamous 3-way relationship with my Shark Steam Mop and my Oreck vacuum cleaner. We're a package deal.

You know who would want to date me? Danny Tanner from Full House. That would be the only response I would get.

Rat

Who knew that a single comment about a rat during the workday would generate so much interest? Huh.

So...the rat.

First, I should tell you that several years ago, the building I work in was being remodeled and a lot of interior work was needed. When the basement ceiling right outside of my office was ripped out, a dead rat fell on the floor. Right in front of me. Eeeeww. It was all dark gray and ratty and nasty. Yuck.

But most recently, there was an episode of a rat in a cabinet. (Not in my building, but at another location.)

Staff was looking in a cabinet and shrieked, "Rat!" My thought was, field mouse? Not a rat, right? The large gray blob at first looked like a giant piece of steel wool. Or maybe a dust bunny. A dust bunny from the most terrifying pits of hell. But dust bunnies and steel wool don't move on their own accord. Nor do they move with purpose toward a loaf of bread.

Um. Rat. Rat? RAT!

After-Christmas Wish List

Oops! I meant to put this up Christmas Eve, but here is my fantasy wish list:

1. a piano
2. a magically expanding house for entertaining that contracts back to normal afterwards
3. a one year fast-track pass for ER services at my local hospital
4. an (affordable) Alice
5. more date nights
6. a complete new wardrobe
7. real peace--the world would be beyond amazing with it

Fantasy Christmas Wish List

1. A Harley Davidson Ultra Classic Electra Glide


2. An Endless Pool (cow decoration optional)

3. Nine hours of sleep every night.

4. Soft hands.

5. My debt paid off.

It occurs to me that if I won the lottery--and not even a huge jackpot, but a small-ish jackpot--I would have all of the above.

Fantasy Christmas Wish List

I think we've done this before, and it's kind of fun. What's on your (unrealistic) wish list?

Mine includes a one year "fast-track" pass to my local ER. I'll post more later...

Back-to-School Blues

Sometimes, I want my classroom back.

You Guys, TV Used to be SO SERIOUS

      I really don't think you understand. Remember the show Life Goes On? One of Mom's favorites, right? That show was about Down Symdrome and HIV.

      What?

      You heard me.

      Now, I don't know about you guys (because I don't feel like doing math right now), but I was like eight years old when that show was on. I distinctly remember mom explaining AIDS to me, and to her credit, she got most of it right...?

      And speaking of AIDS, what about Wesley's friend on Mr. Belvedere who had AIDS? There's also an episode of Mr. Belvedere about child molestation. (Not joking: remember Wesley's scout leader? That's okay, I didn't either, but a quick Google search will refresh your memory).

      Totally changing gears, let's talk about Alf. I know what you're thinking: am I really going to suggest that there was anything remotely serious about Alf, the crazy puppet from outer space? Oh boy, am I! Remember when Alf finds out that his home planet was destroyed by nuclear weapons? That's right! Nukes! (Man, I miss the Cold War...)

      Do you think Mom and Dad were aware of how seriously they were shaping our social consciousness with what we watched on television? From The Wonder Years to The Cosby Show to Family Matters (we also watched a lot of television that took place in Chicago), to The Torkelsons and Perfect Strangers, there were a lot of lessons that we learned, mostly about how to treat people decently and be open-minded to things that might at first appear strange or unknown.

      Maybe the death of the American sitcom has hurt our society more than we realize. Although maybe, like the death of the "musical," somebody is eventually going to realize that people still actually want television to be about serious and relevant conflicts that can be resolved in forty-five (or even twenty-two!) minutes with a smile and parental hug.

Yes, They Are Preparing a Coup

Not only have they destroyed the rubber membrane around the lid, but more and more are hanging out near the top...

I Know What I Saw!

I was driving home from a conference today, and about a mile from my exit, I saw a man in the middle of the highway. I was in the far right lane and he was standing between the middle lane and left lane. I thought my heart was going to stop. He was just standing there. I didn't get a good look at his face, but he was a little taller than average with sandy-colored, shaggy hair almost to his collar bone. He had on a navy blue hooded sweatshirt and a blue and gray plaid quilted jacket that was unzipped. He was wearing jeans and I noticed that he was wearing ski gloves, a dark color, maybe gray, blue or black.

I remember thinking that he was going to be killed! Cars were zooming by at 65-70 mph and he was just standing there between lanes! But nobody was swerving to avoid him. It was like none of the other drivers on the road saw him.

That's when it happened...a car from the middle lane signaled a lane change and began moving to the left. The car went through him. I saw the car go through him. I thought I had to be mistaken and in that split second, I convinced myself that the car didn't go through him. The car had to have hit him. I almost crashed as I swerved toward the right lane shoulder, frantically alternating looking over my shoulder and in my rear view mirror--waiting for the squealing of tires as people tried to avoid the body on the road.

There was none of that.

There was no body in the middle of the highway. There was no man there at all.

But I know what I saw. And no, I am not making this up.

Bathrobe v. Cloak

I am married to a man who does not know the difference between a bathrobe and a cloak. Sometimes, life's not fair.