Sarcastic Wish List #2

In the spirit of fun, I wish for...

1. A giant mirror. I like the reason Sister #1 gave, but I have a better reason. I will carry it around so that when people are stupid and getting on my nerves, I can get a self-esteem boost by gazing into it and saying, "Mirror, Mirror in my hand, who's the fairest Sister in the land?" Of course, it will respond with, "Well, Sister #1 is the fairest with her pale complexion. But you, Sister #2 are the darkest and curviest. You have got it going on!"

2. A pocket sized magic wand that will extend to full size with a flick of my wrist. When people complain to me about their problems, I will wave it over them. When they say, "Hey, it didn't get rid of my problems," I will clock them over the head with it (rendering them unconscious) and say, "Nope, but it got rid of mine."

3. To hear a priest fart. It's totally irreverant, I know, but my curiosity is getting the better of me. I mean, what would he say in the middle of noon mass if he just let it rip? "Gee, sorry about that. You know, four masses means a lot of wafers and wine. Does bad things to the intestines, you know?"

Good stuff, I tell ya. Now, #3 and #4, where are your lists?