Because I'm a Control Freak

Dear Mr. Anonymous Commenter (whose comments I deleted because they were kinda rude and if you're hiding behind behind "anonymous" that's kind of annoying) who I doubt will even be back reading this blog:

Yes, you are right. I am a control freak. Always have been, likely always will be.

That's pretty obvious given the fact that I bothered to delete and now respond to your comments. It's my effort to still work on being in control of stuff!

Just so you know, my husband and I have been together for 11 years and he reads this blog. When it comes to having a sense of humor, we're on the same wavelength. In fact, the flippant post about what I should get in return if he got a PS3 was his idea. The "Nine Words Women Use" was a copy of an e-mail one of my friends sent me that I thought was amusing, because unfortunately, it's all too true. My husband and I laughed long and hard when we read it. In case you're wondering, I'm guilty of using "fine." I say it when I'm trying to figure out how to succinctly put into words what's on my mind. My husband, by his own admission is guilty of using several of them, too.

After 11 years together, my husband and I recognize that a sense of humor is key to a healthy relationship. We have lots of real conversations, too, where humor isn't involved. We are grown ups, after all, capable of communication--open, honest and sometimes painful communication. And then other times, we just duke it out with a pillow fight.

Wanna know why I'm an even worse control freak now than in the past? Probably has something to do with being in the same boat as lots of people in this country. The hubs lost his job a year and a half ago due to education funding cuts. I was diagnosed with cancer a few days after he lost his job. Gotta tell you, the surgeries were pretty freaky. Anesthesia is a control freak's worst nightmare. And FYI: I have a chronically ill kiddo who has required years of specialized medical treatment and medication, literally just to keep her breathing. Trying to be in control of what little I can control helps in feeling a little safer. A little less out-of-control, if you will.

But you know what? Life is pretty damn good. We spend as much time as we can laughing about stuff--no point in crying over it, that's for sure. But the power and control stuff? Yeah, it's part of who I am. And it's worse these days, because a cancer diagnosis is a sharp reminder that I'm not even able to control my own body, let alone most of the circumstances in my life. Power and control is an illusion, but I don't mind pretending that I do have control, even when I'm fully aware that I don't.

So...I'm sorry you're divorced and you feel like you're so much better than me and raising your kids better than I'm raising mine. A sense of humor might make you a little less uptight about your circumstances. There's plenty to be happy about, if you just take a look around. Lighten up, dude.

And smile!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Power and Control Freak