Parents are liars. I am a parent. Therefore I am a liar. I'm not big on lies, which is evidenced by one of my past posts from January 2006, where I grappled with the issue of "When is a Lie Not Really a Lie?"
I told my daughter a lie.
She was being stubborn at dinner time, so I told her that the little turkey rolls I made were hot dogs. Now keep in mind, she's only had (I think) three hotdogs in her life so far, which is probably why she ate the turkey rolls. They did sort of look like hot dogs. So, I'm a liar.
The good news is that I'm not a chronic liar. And fortunately, I'm smart enough not to use any of my parents' lies.
One big lie was when they told me, "As long as you studied and you give it your best shot, it doesn't matter what grade you get."
Big. Fat. Lie.
When I brought home a C on my third-grade social studies test, dad just kind of stood there, pawing at the ground, snuffling as plumes of smoke exited his nostrils. And mom? I just had to wait patiently while she tore my textbook to shreds and then proceeded to jam the shreds through my eyeballs into my brain, just so she would know that I was being forced to retain of the information. (Just kidding. She didn't jam the shreds into my eyeballs. She made me eat them. Hee-hee!)
I can confidently say that the stupid C didn't matter, because unless I'm going to try out for that show Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?, I will never need to know how many ears of corn were consumed at the First Thanksgiving with the pilgrims and Indians.
The other big lie my parents told me is this: "If you put your mind to it, you and do and be whatever you want."
Bigger. Fatter. Lie.
I've put my mind to a lot of things, and plenty of them have fallen through. Things like:
1. I want to be 5'7", have slender hips, 36D breasts and be a size 6. I put my mind to that ideal every single day for a long time. The reality is that unless I cut off part of my scalp or my feet, I'm going to stay 5'9". I haven't been a size 6 since high school. I wear a size 10 to accomodate my beautiful, child-bearing hips. Now, I did manage to achieve the 36D breasts, but that came with my daughter and now they won't go away. Big boobs are WAY overrated. Do you have any idea how painful it is to jump around without a sports bra?
2. I put my mind to learning how to swim better so that I could finally leap off the diving board without being scared. I've made up my mind to do this every year for the past six years. However, my mind can only be pushed so far, and my irrational fear of deep, open water has not gone away. No diving yet.
3. I really wanted to be a dancer when I was growing up. Mom told me I was too tall to be a dancer, so she never signed me up for any dance classes. I put my mind to becoming a great dancer--and I was, for a while. Then I met my now-husband. He hates dancing. I put my mind to getting him to be a better dancer, but that didn't work, either. His dancing bears a strange resemblance to a Gremlin being pureed in a blender. (Just kidding, honey! It's not that bad!)
4. I put my mind to being a professional writer. I have 57 pages left to finish before I can work on selling my novel. I've had 57 pages left since December.
So, I look this over and I'm thinking, My parents told me that I could DO anything and BE anything if I just put my mind to it. What the hell is wrong with me?
And that's my issue. Just because people put their minds to something doesn't automatically mean they can do it. But I keep hearing my parents' words, and I start to feel really inadequate. Like I'm not competent or I'm not trying hard enough. But that's not true! I'm very adequate and very competent! I'm starting a doctorate program in four weeks! Obviously there's something here in my brain--and not just shredded pieces of a third-grade social studies textbook.
So, I'll quit whining. I can embrace the fact that I tricked my daughter into eating turkey. And I can embrace the fact that the diving board is going to have wait another year. Or five. Or fifteen. I'll get there eventually.
My next task for today? Put my mind to working out. So, you know, I can eat something and put my mind to convincing myself that ice-cream is good for me...
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Lies My Parents Told Me
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Mom and Dad never told me I could be whatever I wanted to be.
I'm offended.
Sometimes, when I'm really tired, I think that it's the Truths our parents never told us that's worse than any "lie."
Good point. They conveniently left out A LOT of critical information.
Vici, Mom and Dad also never told us not to do drugs. Well...maybe they tell you that.
As for the rest of this post, I just want to point out that one of the things I am most looking forward to about being a parent is lying. LYING TO MY CHILDREN! I'm going to tell them that faeries and dragons and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are all real. I'll never forget when I told Elinor that there was a faery sleeping in my suitcase. Her eyes and mouth got so sweet and round in awe! That's a moment to take with you everywhere, every day.
And I'm going to tell my kids that they can do anything they put their minds to -it just might not happen as quickly as they want. In fact, maybe the only problem is that we don't have long enough lifetimes to finally get there. Or that we put our minds to the wrong things.
But I'm definitely going to lie. A lot. And feel good about it.
And the truth? Meh. Truth is what you make of it.
I like your outlook. I'm having a crappy day and your comments just cheered me up. Maybe I can bury my cynicism, just for today! And maybe tomorrow, too!
You people are crazier than we are. We may roast Barbie Dolls and Cheese puff Balls but we would never spend this much time to make a lovely cake. Pry because one of use would throw it in the other ones face as a joke.
Post a Comment