False Advertising

I'm not that distracted.

As you may or may not be aware, the dishtowels here at my house are often shanghaied into destruction/construction clean-up services. In an effort to prevent that from occurring after this most recent....event (yes, there is no official name yet)(it's not like the wall that was put up in time for a baseball game), I bought a package of cleaning cloths from the store that uses a circle around a circle as it's logo. Bull--something. I'm sure you know what I mean. On the front of the package there was a description underneath the neatly printed label. But, this is where I wonder what advertisers think the public is smoking and drinking. I can assure them that whatever it is, it's not stong enough for us to believe:

nothing beats the feeling of clean. when everything is bright and sparkly. when the past is washed away and you have a fresh, new start. when your life is spotless and the possibilities are endless.

Did you puke yet? There's more, but I'll spare you. And me. You know how much I dislike puke. I just needed these cleaning cloths to save my dishtowels from become rags. They are not going to transform my life. I am not going to sigh in bliss when these cloths are filled with billions of sawdust particles and random dirt. I will mutter (possibly curse words) from exhaustion and maybe get something (strong) to drink.

As a second part to this rant about advertising, I'm beginning to think that perhaps the creative people who come up with some of the ways to sell us stuff are hiding the good liquor in their desks at work. And they must not get out much. It has to take ages to come up with some of this. Because paint names, have you noticed, are quite deceptive? Names that, in reality, should be diarrhea diaper, backyard pond slime, and muddy river spume... they become raked leaves, crocodile, and river bank. I believe my new wall color is a combination of all three--the three good names, not their real names. I guess putrid pellicle would NOT sell many gallons of paint.

pellicle (n.): a thin skin or film on the surface of a liquid