The Gain Stress, Lose Weight, Gain More Stress, Get a Headache, Get Mad, Lose More Weight, Start All Over Again Diet

I lost four pounds this weekend. I'm not complaining, mind you. I'm still carrying around some extra pre-pregnancy poundage. I say pre-pregnany, because I've lost all the baby weight, but I gained about twenty pounds before I got pregnant, so I'm working on losing that. Good news is that I only have sixteen more pounds to go.

I'm annoyed with how I lost the weight--I know it's not healthy--but I'm thinking about creating an infomercial for my foolproof plan. Can't you see it?

Are you overweight? Have you tried every fad diet, every weight loss and exercise program, only to be disappointed over and over again? If so, call 555-GET-A-STRESSFUL-LIFE, and you could lose four pounds in only two days! That's right! No calorie counting, no carb counting, no diet pills or powders or shakes. Just high-quality, pure-grade stress, guaranteed to melt away pounds!

How does the system work? "It's easy," says founder and president, Crazy Sister #2. "All you do is spend a few days experiencing the hell I've been going through, and before you know it, your stomach will be in knots, and your gag reflex will be so sensitive, you'll barely be able to brush your teeth without vomiting. Food will become a thing of the past, a four-letter word. You'll feel terrible, but people will tell you that you look great!"

Dear sisters, it's funny, but it's not. I really did have trouble brushing my teeth this morning. I know that ya'll don't know all the details, but my personal life is a mess. My professional life is leaving a lot to be desired. I have a heart condition that has gradually been worsening--and still no referral for a cardiologist because of my stupid insurance. I've been agonizing for the past month, impatiently waiting for my follow-up visit with my OB/GYN, because my last pap came back with "significant abnormalities". I'm really mad about a lot of stuff.

But you know what? When I went into my daughter's room this morning, her whole face lit up, she smiled and squealed out, "Mama!" and reached her arms out to be picked up.

I held her close, breathing in that special, warm, clean-baby scent. I whispered in her little ear, "Kisses," and she proceeded to open her mouth wide, partially stick out her tongue, and deposited a giant blob of drool on my lower lip.

In that moment, that single split second, I could clearly see the glimmer of light at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel.

Cancel that infomercial. I think my appetite is coming back.

Let me pause and give thanks for the curse and magic of motherhood.