Curvy Girl Problems

1. Being tall with wide hips and a wider butt make jeans shopping difficult.  And can someone please explain why there are tapered leg pants for those of us that are pear shaped?  That's as bad as maternity shirts with horizontal stripes.  Designers just like messing with people.
2. Quad boob.  Since having my kiddo, my chest hasn't gone back to its normal size.  Weight loss makes them shrink some, but I don't think I'm going to be a B-cup again.  Mostly, I'm okay with that.  But so many pretty bras result in the dreaded quad boob look.  And pretty full coverage bras are so darn expensive.
3. Runner's boob.  I'm making that up.  But my point is that since I've taken up running, I haven't found a really good sports bra that supports me.  I hate bouncing when I run.  The only springing should be the spring in my step.
4. Double belly.  Not to be confused with double chin.  Tee hee!  What I mean is that some ladies are lucky enough for their bodies to go back to their previous shapes.  I wasn't one of those lucky ladies.  Seven years later and the skin on my belly is still saggy and badly stretched.  My natural waistline can be seen, but the skin above and below is...well, truth is, it's ugly.  No regrets because my kiddo was (and is!) totally worth it, but even she points out that my belly looks funny.  Talked to the doctor and she said that because it's skin and not fat, the only real way to correct it is cosmetic surgery.  No thanks.
5. When I lose weight, my wrists and ankles get thinner first, which just makes the rest of me look bigger.  So annoying.  Although, one of my co-workers did mention that I was looking trimmer around my mid-section.  Now, I just have to patiently work on my hips, thighs and butt to get them looking trimmer.  Maybe I'll get there before I'm 40.  Maybe? 

The Words of a Child

Last night, I was digging through a storage bin when I stumbled across a journal I kept as part of the requirements for my high school senior year Honors English class.

I didn't even remember keeping the journal and had to laugh at some of what was in there, especially the sample tabloid article I wrote on Hester Prynne (from The Scarlet Letter) admitting that Satan was the father of her child...and in the next issue, Satan himself would be offering advice on how to fan the flames of passion in relationships.

I feel like Fozzie Bear should be letting loose with a "Wocka, wocka, wocka!"

Crazy. 

But among some of the silly assignments were some intriguing words of wisdom and I began one of my journal entries with:

I think that if I knew what conformity would do to me,

I never would have tried it.

I was so intrigued by those words and the insight of the 17 year old girl that I used to be.  Sitting here now reading them as an adult, I was sure it must have been a quote that I pulled from somewhere, but I looked on the internet for a match and...nothing.

I keep reading those words over and over..."If I knew what conformity would do to me, I never would have tried it."

So true.  So very, very true.

Fork

Saw this today on Post Secret and felt like I could have been the person who sent it.  Funny how things never quite work out like I had planned.

Checking In

I've taken a look at how I'm doing with my goals for 2011.

• Go to 3 concerts. One down, two to go.
• Blog weekly. Eh, not great, but better than I was last year.
• Orthopedist--my primary doctor isn't back from maternity leave yet, so I haven't bothered to call for a referral for my knee. Admittedly, that's a poor excuse.
• Reading one book per month--I've been averaging 2-3 and I'm loving it.
• Taking more pictures. Um, I get an F- on that one.
• Pay off a credit card. Not yet, but working hard on getting there.
• Spending more time outside. The blizzard interrupted my plans a bit, but I've at least been making a point of getting out of my office during the day, which is progress for me.

That's about it. Considering it's not quite March yet, I'm feeling pretty good. I've still got plenty of time to catch up on a few and even exceed a few. Nice!

This Old Goat: 2011 Overview

Overview
'Change' is your middle name at this point, Capricorn. You've been through more personal transformation in the past two years than perhaps in your entire life. The upside is that you're getting used to the intensity of it all. It helps that you're realizing the futility in holding on to people and possessions that only stunt your growth. So many layers continue to be shed on a daily basis but this also gives way to unquestionable personal power. Pluto in Capricorn will carry on for another 14 years; so if this is just the tip of the iceberg, imagine who you will be on the other side of your metamorphosis.

This year the focus shifts from a lifestyle focused on gadgets, information and social networking to introspection, home and family. You are about to encounter your most uncensored raw self on levels as of yet unprecedented. Ready yourself, Goat, because this spring an explosion of fiery planets in Aries sweeps the very base of your horoscope getting you back in touch with some of your most primal instincts. Competition, aggression and the need for plenty of physical outlets ensue.

Some long-standing money issues are finally coming to a finish as the planet of illusion and delusion gets ready to move on to your communication sector. You've learned to use your discrimination in choosing where to invest and where to spend. For the next 14 years, instead of worrying about money leakages you'll be working on mindfulness to avoid spacing out. In any case, your way with words is apt to become poetic and inspired, which can only make the world appear infinitely more beautiful.

Romantic
The paradox of being absolutely self-centered in order to give more to your relationships has never held more wisdom for you than in 2011. The planetary emphasis is bringing you home to self. It's all about greater self-awareness and not sacrificing your own needs in order to play the role of the perfect, responsible caretaker. Those codependent days are past. Saturn is teaching you how to regain the balance, while the major showcase of planets in the constellation of Aries this spring is a reminder to listen to your instincts and stay true to number one. Your fears of appearing selfish must be eradicated during this crucial time of selfhood. Each individual is being asked to take personal responsibility for generating their own self-love and happiness. Be the change you want to see in your love life, Capricorn.

Jupiter, the beloved planet of good fortune, enters your romance sector this summer bringing love and pleasure in plenty. Expect a windfall of romantic interludes to make this a gorgeous summer to remember. Sensual pleasures abound. Take a risk, wear your heart on your sleeve and expand your vision of what you never thought was possible in love.

The presence of Pluto in your sign reminds on a daily basis that you cannot compromise passion for safety. Intensity, deep intimacy and a true meeting of souls are the base minimum requirements for you to give your heart away. No longer will you compromise or go for shallow substitutes. When Venus enters your stars in late November through most of December, you'll be feeling the love. It doesn't hurt that you're at your most beautiful just in time for your birthday.

Career
With your ruling planet Saturn continuing his exalted trip through the sign of Libra, your career continues to take precedence over almost anything. That is until a grand monopoly of Aries planets moves into your domestic sector between March and May. Balancing home and career becomes a dire-albeit-difficult necessity. But if anyone can find the time to do it all it's you, Capricorn. Time management has never been more crucial in preventing anything from slipping through the cracks. There is just so much going on at such an alarming speed that even you -- one of the most grounded and head-strong signs of the zodiac -- could suffer from an oversight or two.

With the Lunar Nodes landing in your work and goals sector in 2011, even the most seemingly menial of tasks will take on a fated quality. What you produce, practice and put out into the world will have reverberating consequences for the next 13 or so years so be sure that you only put out work that is top-notch (as if you could ever live with anything less). June and July are by far your absolute busiest work months, so be sure to keep other commitments to a minimum as much as possible. Late September-early October offer the best opportunities to get recognized for your efforts. With the monopoly of planets in Aries pushing you to put yourself out on a limb despite Saturn's usual reserve, risk-taking is infinitely rewarded in 2011. Go for it!

2011 Overview for Virgo

      This is for me and Sister #4. I'm also posting the overview for Leo though, since I was born on a cusp. I have to say, the romance section in the extended version though kind of gave me anxiety hives. FOURTEEN YEARS?! Something is going to happen this year that will impact me for the next FOURTEEN? All I have to say is that it better not have a 40 week incubation period. (I'm looking at you, #4).

Overview: VIRGO

2011 is all about showing Virgo the money. Being the bona fide workaholic of the zodiac, you have certainly earned your right to demand the six figures through long hours and heaps of your own blood, sweat and tears over the past several years. And you've certainly suffered enough losses and endured enough tests of faith in the financial department to prove your substance. As much as you get off on the occasional masochistic work jag, you can't help but wonder when things are going to get easier. Well hang tight Virgin, because the bonus you so desperately need and deserve should arrive between March and June of 2011. A major conglomeration of fiery planets activates your sector of other people's money, including the luckiest planet of them all -- Jupiter. If that doesn't bring some kind of windfall, loan or access to a serious line of credit you're going about your business all kinds of wrong.

You're also getting ready to shed some serious skin starting this March. With Uranus, the change god joining forces with Jupiter in your sector of psychological change: you're preparing to face some serious skeletons in your psychic closet. Rather than applying your brilliant yet critical mind in assessing other people's shortcomings, you're ready to confront your own strengths and weaknesses on a new level. This year favors the clean slate approach to all matters of self-help, renewal and transformation of your personality. You're leaving many aspects of your old self behind in order to become a better and more authentic version of who you really are.



Overview: LEO

This is the year of expanding your mental and physical horizons, Leo. Expect loads of travel and awesome adventure in 2011, especially between March and June when a barrage of planets enter fellow fire sign, Aries, sparking your sector of foreign travel and higher education. You'll be pondering some of the deeper existential questions like the meaning of life, who you are and why you're here on a daily basis. Nothing is taken for granted, as life becomes one giant college campus dishing out one lesson after another. An overwhelming desire to see the world, experiment with new philosophies and indulge in scholarly pursuits become potent themes for the course of this dynamic New Year!

Mental pursuits of all stripe dominant your time and attention for another year as Saturn continues his residence in your communication sector. Finding your true voice becomes a spiritual practice. Expressing yourself through carefully cultivated word choice proves especially rewarding. If you've ever wanted to write a book, learn a new language, go back to school or take up some radical new course of study, 2011 is your year to take the risk and make your literary dreams come true.

Pluto continues working you to the bone in 2011 through the extended transit in your work and health sector. You're beginning to actually get accustomed to the emotional gutting as the Lord of the Underworld dredges up each and every repressed emotional issue you've ever had with authority figures. You're coming into your own power the hard way -- but this is the kind of self-possession and confidence that becomes an integral part of your being and thus can never be taken from you.

Looking Ahead...2011 Overview for Taurus

Compliments of astrology.com

Year 2011 Overview

Your legendary tenacity and patience is truly about to pay off in spades this year Taurus. After a long and arduous 12 years, your luck is returning with a fabulous vengeance. Jupiter, the planet of large-scale fortune enters your sturdy stars this June for an extended stint taking you right into 2012 in excellent standing. Never has it felt so easy to let go of comfort zones and move into unknown territory with such confidence and gusto. Even the most cautious and conservative of bulls can easily see that the rewards far outweigh the risk this year. Push the envelope, raise the bar and go for the biggest stakes your loyal heart can fathom.

You're a florid channel of original ideas this spring when six planets line up in your unconscious sector of dreams and inspiration right around your birthday. Ready yourself for what becomes a turbo-charged imagination to keep you up at night with more genius schemes than there is time to humanly handle. Your brain will feel like a non-stop idea factory that refuses to rest, so you'll need extra time in nature or at the gym to remain relatively grounded.

Unexpected social encounters and fabulous new friendships flourish throughout the year with special highlights occurring in March and April when Mars powers up your friendship sector. May and June are stellar months for dating and mating with all around good times to be had in general compliments of Venus in Taurus. You've got your mind on your money and your money on your mind all summer with Venus and Mars emphasizing your financial sector. Make your money in June and July while the getting is good and save the leisure rewards for August when you can kick back guilt-free.

You Guys, TV Used to be SO SERIOUS

      I really don't think you understand. Remember the show Life Goes On? One of Mom's favorites, right? That show was about Down Symdrome and HIV.

      What?

      You heard me.

      Now, I don't know about you guys (because I don't feel like doing math right now), but I was like eight years old when that show was on. I distinctly remember mom explaining AIDS to me, and to her credit, she got most of it right...?

      And speaking of AIDS, what about Wesley's friend on Mr. Belvedere who had AIDS? There's also an episode of Mr. Belvedere about child molestation. (Not joking: remember Wesley's scout leader? That's okay, I didn't either, but a quick Google search will refresh your memory).

      Totally changing gears, let's talk about Alf. I know what you're thinking: am I really going to suggest that there was anything remotely serious about Alf, the crazy puppet from outer space? Oh boy, am I! Remember when Alf finds out that his home planet was destroyed by nuclear weapons? That's right! Nukes! (Man, I miss the Cold War...)

      Do you think Mom and Dad were aware of how seriously they were shaping our social consciousness with what we watched on television? From The Wonder Years to The Cosby Show to Family Matters (we also watched a lot of television that took place in Chicago), to The Torkelsons and Perfect Strangers, there were a lot of lessons that we learned, mostly about how to treat people decently and be open-minded to things that might at first appear strange or unknown.

      Maybe the death of the American sitcom has hurt our society more than we realize. Although maybe, like the death of the "musical," somebody is eventually going to realize that people still actually want television to be about serious and relevant conflicts that can be resolved in forty-five (or even twenty-two!) minutes with a smile and parental hug.

February Blues

February is the worst month. I don't know exactly why, but this year, I'm going to fight back. Every. Single. Day.

On the first, I bought a coral pink sweater. That's a happy color.

Yesterday, I celebrated by watching Groundhog Day. Still funny after all these years!

Today, I'm listening to Eels. "Hey Man" is getting me through the morning, and I'm going to finish my own Winter Writing Challenge (but it'll be hard to beat Martha's).

Cue the battle march...

Yes, They Are Preparing a Coup

Not only have they destroyed the rubber membrane around the lid, but more and more are hanging out near the top...

Bathrobe v. Cloak

I am married to a man who does not know the difference between a bathrobe and a cloak. Sometimes, life's not fair.

Delicious Descriptions

Do you ever see something cute in a store or catalog, then read the description or color name and want to buy it even more? If only my pocketbook could accommodate them all...

Most recently for me:

• autumn cascade (earrings)
• Toscana talisman (necklace)
• Helen of Troy hoops (earrings)
• countess earrings
• Persian blue (color)
• windstorm (color)
• Aztec gold (color)
• Mink muffs (nail polish color)
• pomegranate (lip gloss color)

I could go on and on. Has anything caught your eye lately?

Popular

I can't help it...

The very popular/fashionable maxi dress reminds me of Mrs. Roper (from Three's Company for you infants in the family). It's just not going to happen for me. How about you? Is there anything else out there in the fashion world not sitting right with you?

Before February, A Look Back at October

      I know it's not October anymore, but I've barely even begun my story of Poughkeepsie...

*      *      *

      The ridges and valleys are forever in motion. It's not just the breeze, the sighs of Heaven, it's the changing of the seasons making the colors fall like dominoes. The sunlight is so bright, as clear and crisp as the morning air. The steel blue sky hints of pale winter skies to come and yet deepens to a cobalt in the corners as it curves around the earth.

      And we too are in motion: movement over movement winding up the mountain roads. Out the window, camera ready, camera steady, trying to capture on a strip of film the painted scenery all around me.

The Year in Review

  I get to be the first! Happy 2009, Sisters!

  In 2008, I gained a million new memories made all across this country traveling and laughing with my friends.

  I lost the magic minnow Dad made for Marc (but then I found it again just in time).

  I stopped doing pilates in October and I need to start again.

  I started AND finished my NaNoWriMo story.

  I was hugely satisfied by the results of the elections on November 4th.

  And frustrated by my Vice President.

  I am so embarrassed that I still haven't told people that I don't talk to Lindsey anymore.

  Once again, I made too many new regrets.

  Once again, I did not tell people nearly often enough how much I love and appreciate them.

  The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is several inches of hair. It's so strange to think that this is the same answer as back in 2005 when I first filled this out --and the reason is the same!

  The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is that I have so much more hope.

  I loved spending time with Ryan and his daughter.

  Why did I spend even two minutes feeling sorry for someone who didn't deserve my pity?

  I should have spent more time in the sun.

  I regret buying my membership to the NAPW rather than membership to WIIS.

  I will never regret buying that flower dress from Anthropologie.

  I worked way too much.

  I didn't sleep enough.

  Mathew drove me crazy.

  Was my birthday crazier than ever last year? Or was it me?

  The most relaxing place I went was Poughkeepsie, New York.

  I feel so ridiculous when I write that down.

  Why did I go to Virginia so much?

  The best thing I did for someone else was call when they really needed me.

  The best thing I did for myself was go home for Thanksgiving.

  The best thing someone did for me was hug the better part of me and remind me that some things don't have to change.

  The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is the wedding.

Eleven

It was the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month that the Great War officially ended. There are only a handful of those veterans left. Let's make sure, for all of the ones who sludged through muddy trenches, climbed onto bloody beaches, marched into steamy jungles, and struggled in sandy deserts, and also for ourselves, that we recall what today was originally all about.

October Art Assignment

Sisters, give me something pretty to look at. Picture, painting, sewing, anything that's yours. The fatigue of fading light is starting to settle in on me. You in?

Giving Thanks

There's a special and unique feeling that comes with an answered prayer, and as is customary, I am publishing my thanks.

Thank you, St. Jude, for hearing me out and granting the intercession that was very much needed for the people I prayed about. It was a relief for everyone involved (especially the mom and dad, who were beside themselves with worry) that the test results were good.

I've always felt awkward when praying, wondering if I would ever share a special relationship with a saint. I was always shy about praying to St. Jude, who is known as the patron saint of hopeless cases, because I worried that whatever I might be praying about may not be hopeless enough. And in the middle of my prayer, I heard that little voice in my head that said if it seemed hopeless to me--if I was feeling despair or praying for someone who was feeling despair--then that's hopeless enough. When I gave up feeling like my prayers were insignificant, it made a big difference.

And the difference was knowing that deep down, my prayer would be answered in one way or another. Thank you, St. Jude, for showing me that, too.

Is There Anything Uglier...?

...than dealing with people who don't know what they want? I want to shout: Stop acting like a baby and trying to make everyone around you miserable.

Status Symbol Update

And a little Peace at Pentecost.

I'm going to put two posts together because they seem connected, at least to me.

Pentecost is the culmination of the Easter season. It's the celebration of the Holy Spirit. When the disciples were locked inside of the house, fearful of what was happening outside, the first words spoken to them were: "Peace be with you." My pastor speculated that if Jesus were to come back today, those would be, once again, His first words to His followers. The priest then speculated that the next words would be: "Slow down. Stop trying to fit 31 hours in a 24 hour day." It was obvious by the level of laughter in response to those words that many people had read the recent article on how people today squeeze in 31 hours of activity a day by big-time multi-tasking. Although it was acknowledged, since it was Mother's Day, that mom may even get in 36 hours a day.

His point was that we are doing too much and worrying too much about senseless things. My mind immediately turned to my status symbol specuation last week.

For me, "things" to not give people status in this world. Carrying a Coach purse, or wearing a pair of Ferragamo shoes, or driving a car with a fancy symbol on the hood, and getting around by helicopter doesn't mean a thing to me. It may be because several of those "things" are in my possession and I see them as nothing more than a means to an end. My pink Coach handbag carries my wallet and first aid kit just the same as the $15 non-branded bag (which received compliments wherever I went this winter). And in my mind they are equal. They are bags to carry my stuff. Same thing with the car--it gets me from point A to B. It seems my attitude toward these objects is in direct conflict with quite a few people out there.

Here is my example: I was driving home from the baby shoe store and I had all three of the children in the car with me. At an intersection where drivers must turn either right or left--there's a lane for each--I was preparing to turn right. There are two huge signs that remind drivers that turning vehicles MUST yield to pedestrians. Halfway into the crosswalk was a mother and her about-three-year-old daughter. The fact that I waited infuriated the driver of the vehicle behind me. The angry honking began. Her car with the three letter name meant nothing to me. I motioned to the mother to keep crossing despite the noise from the driver behind me. Once the mother and child were at the curb, I turned and the woman behind me sped up to turn right using the left lane. I looked over at her. The look of entitlement and irritation on her face was indescribable. I wanted to know what made her think that way. Was it the price she paid for her car? I know, since we have one. Could that possibly make her think that made her more important than the two humans crossing the street?

Is there any way to communicate that dignity, decorum and decency are the things a person must carry in order to hold any elevated status in my mind? And that cute shoes are cute shoes no matter if the cost was $7 or $700? I don't know.

So, peace be with you. No matter what kind of car you drive. And even if you walk.