Crickets

It's pretty silent around here these days...here's to a little free time and being able to write a sentence or two.

Star Wars Day

Today is May 3rd. That means tomorrow is May 4th. Star Wars Day.

May the Fourth be with you!!

I could use some "Force" in my life right now.

Once Upon a Time...

Have you ever thought about that phrase? "Once upon a time..." What a mental image. I picture myself, a little girl, riding on the back of a comet--a clock in the shape of a comet--streaking through a midnight sky. Up on a time. Up on a time of hopes and dreams. Up on a time that hummed with the electricity of a future yet unrealized. Up on a time. Where fantasy and reality collided and left a blurry line that was easily crossed. Once...up on a time. Once upon a time.

Click...

I heard a sound earlier today. A click. It wasn't particularly loud, but it was audible...noticeable...it definitely caught my attention. My first thought, in a moment of panic, is that yet another thing is going wrong with this house. What is it this time? More plumbing issues? The sump pump? Another mouse? Wait, let me guess, the furnace?

No. None of the above.

As I sat in the silence, listening carefully for the sound to repeat itself, I was hit in the head. Was it the ceiling? No. Had you going for a second there, right? Hee hee. Better not jinx myself!

It occurred to me that the distinct click I heard was the sound of a door closing. I suspect it was the door standing between me and my dreams. And perhaps the daily pressure around here finally forced it shut. That's not to say I won't be able to pry it open again later, but for now, it's vacuum-sealed, dreams squished tight in a space bag, packed away somewhere. At least I know they're still there. They're just out of sight and out of reach at the moment.

Not so many years ago, I was convinced that I could do whatever I wanted to do, be whoever I wanted to be, go wherever I wanted to go. But at the end of the day, when faced with responsibilities and uncertainties, those dreams get folded up neatly and put away, in favor of the reality that surrounds me. I'm not comfortable with uncertainty, but it's part of my vocabulary these days. If the present is uncertain, well, certainly then the future is uncertain, too.

Things have a funny way of working out--they always do, don't they? I'd just like for them to work out now. Sooner rather than later. Now. I'm looking for some instant gratification. For a good job to land in the hubby's lap or for us to find an eager buyer for our house. Of course, first a good job has to come along. And we don't have the "For Sale" sign in the yard yet. Maybe both will happen. Maybe neither will. Maybe a big surprise--preferably a good surprise, since I don't really like surprises--something to bring good fortune to the crazy, tired people living under this roof.

Perhaps a lottery ticket is in order this week.

Chilly Willy

Do you remember Chilly Willy the Penguin? He had his own theme song...something along the lines of "I'm Chilly Willy the Penguin...I'm frozen through and through! My head is cold and my tail is blue...ha, hee, ha choo!"

Actually, because I'm a big geek, I just went on Y0u Tube to look for it and my words are a little off, but whatever.

My point is that it is freakin' COLD outside. I like winter, but this is ridiculous. Between the snow and the bitter cold, I'm feeling like I'm ready for May. Wait...didn't Phil predict an early spring this year? I hope so.

Despite the cold, there's still some magic in the air. Something about being outside when the earth is blanketed in white...a sharp, clear sky overhead with stars twinkling, just waiting to make someone's wishes come true...my warm breath misting in clouds around my face...inhaling the cold air in a whoosh and feeling it fill every crevice in my lungs...clearing my mind...those are the best parts of winter.

Well, that and laying under four blankets, all snug and warm.

Easy Day

I'm sitting here on this gloriously chilly Sunday, reveling in the fact that I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I've had a lazy day, not doing much of anything, and the kiddo is keeping me entertained with her '80s inspired outfit--black leggings with a white/turquoise/hot pink shirt, hair in braids, bangs sticking up, with a purple sweatband around her forehead. Nice!

Last night, the hubs had a few friends over to play cards. One of the guys was celebrating a birthday, so I made cake. Yay for cake! The birthday boy brought me a bottle of chocolate wine for my birthday--and it was SO good. I have the headache today to prove it. :) Actually, the headache is from not wearing my mouthguard last night--I have so much pain in my jaw and my temples from grinding my teeth. Ouch.

I wrote my letters during National Letter Writing Week--I actually got two in the mail, wrote a third one that I decided against mailing, and a fourth one that I couldn't seem to finish. That fourth one...it's full of a lot of stuff that I want to tell someone, but deep down, I know it'll never get mailed. That's why I haven't finished it.

That's it for me. Off to enjoy the rest of my day.

Because I'm a Control Freak

Dear Mr. Anonymous Commenter (whose comments I deleted because they were kinda rude and if you're hiding behind behind "anonymous" that's kind of annoying) who I doubt will even be back reading this blog:

Yes, you are right. I am a control freak. Always have been, likely always will be.

That's pretty obvious given the fact that I bothered to delete and now respond to your comments. It's my effort to still work on being in control of stuff!

Just so you know, my husband and I have been together for 11 years and he reads this blog. When it comes to having a sense of humor, we're on the same wavelength. In fact, the flippant post about what I should get in return if he got a PS3 was his idea. The "Nine Words Women Use" was a copy of an e-mail one of my friends sent me that I thought was amusing, because unfortunately, it's all too true. My husband and I laughed long and hard when we read it. In case you're wondering, I'm guilty of using "fine." I say it when I'm trying to figure out how to succinctly put into words what's on my mind. My husband, by his own admission is guilty of using several of them, too.

After 11 years together, my husband and I recognize that a sense of humor is key to a healthy relationship. We have lots of real conversations, too, where humor isn't involved. We are grown ups, after all, capable of communication--open, honest and sometimes painful communication. And then other times, we just duke it out with a pillow fight.

Wanna know why I'm an even worse control freak now than in the past? Probably has something to do with being in the same boat as lots of people in this country. The hubs lost his job a year and a half ago due to education funding cuts. I was diagnosed with cancer a few days after he lost his job. Gotta tell you, the surgeries were pretty freaky. Anesthesia is a control freak's worst nightmare. And FYI: I have a chronically ill kiddo who has required years of specialized medical treatment and medication, literally just to keep her breathing. Trying to be in control of what little I can control helps in feeling a little safer. A little less out-of-control, if you will.

But you know what? Life is pretty damn good. We spend as much time as we can laughing about stuff--no point in crying over it, that's for sure. But the power and control stuff? Yeah, it's part of who I am. And it's worse these days, because a cancer diagnosis is a sharp reminder that I'm not even able to control my own body, let alone most of the circumstances in my life. Power and control is an illusion, but I don't mind pretending that I do have control, even when I'm fully aware that I don't.

So...I'm sorry you're divorced and you feel like you're so much better than me and raising your kids better than I'm raising mine. A sense of humor might make you a little less uptight about your circumstances. There's plenty to be happy about, if you just take a look around. Lighten up, dude.

And smile!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Power and Control Freak

Every Tuesday Morning...

... I remind myself that it's only two more days until Thursday.

Help

I've been sitting and staring at a blinking cursor for 10 minutes. I looked up at the top of the screen and saw the little "Help" icon.

I think it's too bad I can't click on that button and get the answers to the questions I have...you know, the really important questions. Like:

• Why do I isolate so much when I really need the love and support of the people in my life?

• Does God take naps?

• Why can't I ever seem to win a game of Clue?

• Will I ever sleep through the night again?

• Why do boys fart in their sleep so much?

• Does laundry breed at night?

• Will I ever feel normal again? Wait...I don't know if I've ever really been normal, so scratch the part about "again".

August

Ummm...where did July go?

Just a Thought...

I'm on a quick 5-minute break at work and just felt an urge to post something. Here's my thought for the day...

I have a whole new level of motivation to keep up with Pilates. See, just in case vampires are real and I fall in love with one, and he wants to convert me, I don't want to spend eternity trapped in this body with a weak core.

That is all.

Complete and Utter Nonsense

I think God and I are having a spat. Well, maybe I'm just being the stubborn girl that I am and He's twiddling His thumbs waiting for me to come around to His way of thinking.

Of course, I have NO IDEA what His way of thinking is...especially since I've been trained to believe that HE IS A MAN, AFTER ALL.

And let's face it, men do have a funny way of thinking. And that funny way of thinking usually leads to some--um--spirited discussions about things. (I'm talking about men in general here, not just God.)

Now I'm feeling grumpy. Grumpy and sleepy. And dopey. And sneezy. And sneezing makes me feel bashful. Now, I just need to work in "doc" and "happy" and my life will be complete.

WAKE UP

September has ended. You may begin blogging again.

Love,

Sis #1

Looks Like Swamp Sludge

I made soup tonight. Soup that looks like swamp sludge.

I won't terrify you with a picture of it, but it contains chicken broth, pureed black beans, whole black beans, barley, spinach, some black pepper and a splash of hot sauce. I topped it with some crushed tortilla chips, and if I'd had some sour cream in the fridge, I would've put a dollop of that on top. In any case, it's actually pretty good and really quite filling.

And as I look at the list of ingredients for the soup I made (without a recipe, just out of my own imagination), I'm suddenly feeling like my "dad colors" are showing.

A little sister help?

This might sound a little ridiculous, but Sister #1 posted a funny little story about one of her little ones entertaining the car with a story. It involved St. Patrick's day, and his near capture of a leprechaun, but this leprechaun had no clothes.
Do you remember? You know you do!
Now, you will be my new best friend if you can find the story on the blog.
Love you all!

P.S. I'll explain my need for the story at a later date.

Goodnight November

Goodnight, November, with your fading light and frost-filled nights, missing words and marshmallow madness. I'm not sad to let you go-- December awaits! Twinkling glow and spectacular skies are calling...

What Food Best Describes You?

Someone told me this morning that I'm kind of crusty. Crusty? What the heck does that mean?

I started thinking about an old post from my dear sister about our closets--what our closets are filled with and what our closets say about us and I started thinking about food. Closets, food, I mean, they're practically the same.

Anyway, I guess if I had to compare myself to a food, I'd say I resemble a 2-day old doughnut. Hard and crusty on the outside. Rough around the edges. Tempting to someone who doesn't know any better, a curiosity to those who do. But if you can just get past that stony, jagged exterior, there are parts inside that are still very soft.

If you try to jump right in, I'll likely break your teeth, but if you dunk me in hot chocolate (i.e. give me some lovin' and be nice to me), I'll still melt.

And if I'm left out too long, ignored and disregarded, I'll get moldy and you'll end up with a nasty tummy ache.

I think that about sums it up. I am in a wacky, crazy mood today. Worse than yesterday. Hence, the crusty doughnut post. Good day, dear sisters.

Thought You Might Want to Know

Ahem. Half a package of chocolate covered sugar wafers does not mix well with Orange Crystal Light. My tummy hurts. Thank goodness the survey at work is almost done so I stop this crazy ass stress eating.

Where is Everyone?

Okay, my Sassy Sistahs of the Fancy Hat Society...where the heck is everyone? I met the July challenge on our writing blog--never mind that I just posted it today--so where the heck is everyone else's? Holy crap, this means I'm the first one to finish something. That hardly ever happens.

Funny story. Last week, I found a small slip of paper in my purse with one of my sisters' names on it. I threw it away because I didn't know what it was for. Then I remembered it was for Christmas. Good thing I remembered the name on it! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

P.S. I slightly increased the size of the font for the posts--I was having a b* of a time seeing the letters on the screen. I don't know if it's my eyes, my computer monitor or something else. If it looked fine to you before, go ahead and switch it back.