The Devil and Dane Cook

I typically don't get much sleep--a few broken hours here and there, but that's about it. Well, all that has changed in the past few nights.

Thursday night, I didn't sleep long, but I slept hard and had weird dreams about tornadoes, floods and rental cars. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with feeling like my life is spinning out of control, I feel like I'm drowning and I just want drive away from it all.

Friday night was so-so.

Saturday night, I slept for eight and a half hours. I don't think I got eight and a half hours of sleep total/combined the entire week before that. Growing up, I always had very vivid, live, in-your-face, technicolor dreams. In the past few years, that's really tapered off, especially since I don't get much in the way of REM sleep. But back to my story.

So, I slept amazingly well Saturday night and had one of those dreams that seemed to last from the time I went to sleep until the time I woke up. In my dream, I was in an episode of Ghost Whisperer. Except it turns out, it wasn't an episode, it was all actually happening. I was with Jennifer Love Hewitt and a bunch of other people in this big warehouse-type building that had been converted to lofts and small apartments. And the whole building was possessed by the devil.

Crazy, right?

So, we're in this devil-possessed building and all the doors open to brick walls, the windows are covered with some stuff that makes the glass unbreakable, and there are these weird, zombie-like people wandering in the hallways. JLH and I knew the building was possessed and we both really wanted to get out, so we were trying to kick the glass out of the windows.

Out of nowhere, this giant demon head started rising up out of the floor--it was sort of a weird cross between that freaky scene in Beetlejuice (when Beetlejuice turns into a snake or whatever in the hallway) and the part in Aladdin when the lion, cat or whatever it is comes up out of the sand to lead people into the Cave of Wonders. So, there's this big, giant demon head and JLH and I are screaming. The head had a big, scary mouth with needle-like teeth, and it opened up and started talking. The voice was deep and gravelly, with Exorcist-type undertones. And the voice said..."I need yum-yums. You are my snacks." (If you don't understand this reference, please go to youtube.com and type in Dane Cook Christ Chex.)

I woke up after that. I don't think there's a dream dictionary in the world that could explain this.