Crickets

It's pretty silent around here these days...here's to a little free time and being able to write a sentence or two.

2013 Bonfire

As far as I'm concerned, 2013 can suck it.  Let's burn this year to the ground!


In 2013, I gained a renewed appreciation for getting lost in a good book.

I stopped listening to bad excuses from people in my life.

I started cutting ties with people who had a negative impact on me.

I was hugely satisfied by how frequently I wore nail polish.

And frustrated by passive aggressive behavior.

I am so embarrassed that I made a really dumb comment during a meeting at work.  Even though I didn't mean for it to sound dumb, it did.  Everyone laughed.  My face was bright red.

Once again I tolerated far more than should have been expected from anyone.

Once again I did not run.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is that my forehead had a multiple pregnancy and gave birth to several new wrinkles.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is how I feel about myself and where I'm at in life right now.

I loved spending time reading and cuddling with my kiddo.  And mindlessly looking at stuff on Pinterest.

Why did I spend even two minutes trying to salvage a friendship that wasn't really a friendship at all?

I should have spent more time with my kiddo.

I regret buying a bunch of rocks.  No joke.

I will never regret buying that pretty brown sweater dress even though with that money I could have bought a week's worth of groceries.

I tried to explain myself way too much.

I didn't relax enough.

Drama drove me crazy.

Was a family member who shall remain nameless crazier than ever last year?  Or was it me?

The most relaxing place I went was the beach!  Always the beach!

I feel so excited to plan on going again when I write that down.

Why did I go to that completely awkward lunch?

The best thing I did for someone else was groom a co-worker for a management position.

The best thing I did for myself was give myself permission to hurt and then move on.

The best thing someone did for me was say it was okay to hurt and then move on.

The one thing I'd like to do again but do it better is a particular meeting with my boss.

Under the wire...

   I am barely squeezing this in under the wire since January is almost over already, but here are my belated reflections on 2012:


  In 2012, I gained a new appreciation for some old friends.

  I lost my goddamn mind.

  I stopped washing my hair. Remember that?!

  I started drinking water. It's not so bad with a little lemon.

  I was hugely satisfied by my cooking -- especially exploring new recipes.

  And frustrated by my lack of work-life balance.

  I am so embarrassed that I couldn't act like a normal human being in front of a guy I like.

  Once again, I spent too much money!

  Once again, I did not commit to a plan for the future.

  The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is a tie between my gimpy knee and the fact that my left big toenail finally grew back.

  The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is my willingness to try to let go of the "little things". Even if I still can't always actually let go, at least I am more willing to try it.

  I loved spending time with Kristi and little Jordan.

  Why did I spend even two minutes regretting things I did or said? (When I should have just moved on).

  I should have spent more time having adventures.

  I regret buying shoes on ebay.

  I will never regret buying my new white coat even though with that money I could have bought a plane ticket home.

  I cried in public way too much.

  I didn't travel enough.

  Boys drove me crazy.

  Was my workload crazier than ever last year? Or was it me?

  The most relaxing place I went was Poughkeepsie, NY.

  I feel so peaceful when I write that down.

  Why did I go to sleep angry?

  The best thing I did for someone else was take her to Mount Rushmore.

  The best thing I did for myself was give myself permission to want something.

  The best thing someone did for me was take me on a perfectly planned weekend in the country.

  The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is go to my co-worker's party.

Year in Review

In 2012, I gained a full-time teaching position, and along with it my very own classroom filled with over sixty students each day and five awesome team members who let me ask them a hundred questions as they come to mind.

I lost some old friends, but made some new ones in return. 

I stopped running on a regular basis, and for no good reason either.

I started reading (and writing) again.

I was hugely satisfied by the comma in my first official paycheck, and each check after that for a matter of fact.

And frustrated by not being able to do all of the things I wanted to do this past year.

I am so embarrassed that I didn't turn down that one dare.

Once again, I listened to my music just a little too loud.

Once again, I did not write as often as I promised I would.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is a new pair of glasses with some hot pink on the arms.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is the extent to which my teacher mind wanders.... it's multiplied three fold.

I loved spending time getting my classroom ready, even though it was on short notice.

Why did I spend even two minutes thinking I could change the past?

I should have spent more time taking pictures.

I regret buying the sketchbook that I have yet to use.

I will never regret buying my MacBook Pro even though with that money I could have bought any number of things, either for my classroom or for my new teacher wardrobe.

I gave in way too much.

I didn't dance enough.

Scheduling parent teacher conferences drove me crazy.

Were those crazy bitches I use to work with crazier than ever last year? Or was it me?

The most relaxing place I went was the restaurant with an old friend.

I feel so at ease when I write that down.

Why did I go to bat for you?

The best thing I did for someone else was offer my time, words, and thoughts.

The best thing I did for myself was actually make the decision to do things because I wanted to.

The best thing someone did for me was listen without judgment.

The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is the Joshua Radin concert - -though I'm not sure how much better it could get.

Off With Your Head! (Farewell and good riddance, 2012!)

In 2012, I gained a small, but much needed boost to my self-esteem.

I stopped trying to figure out God's plan for me.

I started opening up a little bit more.

I was hugely satisfied by reducing how often I lose my temper.

And frustrated by the fact that there's still enough going on in my life that I feel like losing it anyway.

I am so embarrassed that I bought Super Hero undies.

Once again I thought about going back to school.

Once again I did not take a real vacation.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is twenty pounds.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is how I feel since losing those twenty pounds.

I loved spending time reading and cuddling with my kiddo.

Why did I spend even two minutes wasting my time trying to get someone to see things from my point of view?

I should have spent more time with friends.

I regret buying that bright banana yellow sweater.  What was I thinking?!

I will never regret buying those ridiculous patent leather stilettos even though with that money I could have bought two pairs of sensible work shoes.

I cried way too much.

I didn't laugh enough.

My best friend drove me crazy.

Was work drama crazier than ever last year?  Or was it me?

The most relaxing place I went was the beach!

I feel so excited to plan on going again when I write that down.

Why did I go to that fancy luncheon?

The best thing I did for someone else was call that person out on a lot of bullshit.

The best thing I did for myself was take my stomach pains seriously and go to the doctor.

The best thing someone did for me was get me speakers for my office so I can listen to music all day!

The one thing I'd like to do again but do it better is summer vacation.

Year in Review 2012

In 2012, I gained a slightly different perspective on life (translation: just expect people to be dumb and/or rude).

I lost my patience for some things.

I stopped actively gardening.

I started running the school book fair.

I was hugely satisfied by winning at Family Science Night (twice).

And frustrated by not being listened to.

I am so embarrassed that I lost my favorite sunglasses.

Once again, I long for more time at the beach.

Once again, I did not finish NaNoWriMo.

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is a few less pounds.

The biggest psychological difference between me last December and this December is my mental tripwire location.

I loved spending time shopping.

Why did I spend even two minutes worrying?

I should have spent more time organizing. And planning awesome gift packaging. And lounging around.

I regret buying nothing! Okay, maybe one pair of blue earrings that I've had for a month and not worn yet.

I will never regret buying new, properly fitted, undergarments even though with that money I could have bought lots and lots of other clothes!

I  waited  way too much.

I didn't write enough.

People I don't like drove me crazy.

Was everyone's schedule crazier than ever last year? Or was it me?

The most relaxing place I went was the beach with Martha and Josie!

I feel so glad when I write that down.

Why did I go to Memphis when it was 105 degrees outside?

The best thing I did for someone else was offer some reassuring words and prayers.

The best thing I did for myself was  exercise smarter.

The best thing someone did for me was listen.

The one thing I'd like to do again, but do it better, is prepare for Christmas!

Burning Sage

Crazy stuff happening in my house lately.  Have you (or anyone you know) ever burned sage in your house? I'm thinking at this point, a preventative clearing of my house is in order.

Just-in-case.

Time for some back-up, sisters! Any advice?

Daily Notes on Fasting

   Sorry for the delay! I meant to post this shortly after the last post, but life always gets in the way. Now this seems like ages ago, but here it is:

First of all, I should clarify that I don’t recommend or endorse fasting as a way to cure or solve any problems, and I think it can be incredibly dangerous when done incorrectly or for the wrong reasons. I did a lot of careful planning and research on what to expect before embarking on this, but in an ideal world, I would have done it under medical supervision at a health spa of some kind. Alas, a luxury I did not have. Still, I found it was a safe and worthwhile option for me personally, and this is just an account of my own personal experience.

So here are the basics. First, you should ease in to a fast. Luckily, because of the candida cleanse, I was mostly on a real food / live food diet, so that helped. For the day or two leading in, you should eat lighter foods like fruit or veggie smoothies (I wasn’t eating fruit on the candida cleanse, so I had to go the veggie way).

Then what do you do for the fast?

Well, I did a hybrid that felt right for me and my situation. It was a cross between what is commonly referred to as the Master Cleanse and a water fast. Every morning, the first thing I consumed (post-toilet flushing) was a glass of water with half a squeezed lemon, a tiny bit of Grade B maple syrup, and some cayenne pepper. Drink that all down! I found it surprising delicious. Then, for the rest of the day I either drank plain water or water with lemon squeezed into it. I definitely got tired of the taste of lemon water, let me tell you. I continued to take my antifungal supplement (from the candida cleanse) and a probiotic, but I stopped all my other supplements like my daily multivitamin, my B-complex vitamin and my fish oil supplement. You’re supposed to take those with food and since I wasn’t eating anything, it didn’t seem safe. Post-fast, I think I will probably only take a multivitamin and some fish oil a few times a week to give me an extra boost. I might even add in some Biotin, but I haven’t decided yet.

So that’s it. For 8 whole days. I’ll talk later about easing out of the fast, but here is my daily account of what it was like to fast.


DAY ONE: I am so mentally ready for this. I was mentally ready yesterday, but I 1) didn’t want to jump the gun – I had set a Sunday start date and starting two days early seemed a bit much; and 2) there were some things in my refrigerator I wanted to eat, mostly a smoothie I made in preparation for my ease-in and some eggs whipped together with my delicious (and spicy) homemade mustard. But today I was SO. TOTALLY. READY. The tough part comes in when you take into account that I have two events tonight, both of which involve food: a wonderful reunion with my Brussels friends at Guapos, the greatest of Mexican restaurants, and my friend’s birthday party on her roof where there is bound to be booze and sweets. Heck, I’m bringing her a giant bag of M&Ms. Alas, no M&Ms for me. Just water and maybe a bit of lemon all day today. But that's okay!

DAY TWO: So, because I’ve been on a cleanse for three weeks, it doesn’t really bother me to be around food I can’t eat. However, there were plenty of foods at Guapos that I could have eaten, which was a bummer. I’m just resolved to reconvene the group next month for more Mexican. The birthday party was great because it was light on food and I don’t mind giving up alcohol. I still refereed a flip cup tournament (I thought we were too old for that…) and I even served the cake. A delicious chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream frosting. Mmmm… And I don’t even like cake! Still, not that big of a deal. This afternoon, I met a bunch of the girls for brunch and still, no big deal. If anything, what I’ve learned is that waiters are really concerned when you don’t order anything. Your friends kind of forget about it because you’re all laughing and telling stories and not really paying attention to what you are (or aren’t) eating. But wait staff think you’re some kind of monster. When you ask them for lemon for your water, they will definitely bring you a whole plate. So day 2? Still a breeze.

DAY THREE: First work day on the fast! I started off strong, if a bit fatigued. The gross part of the fast is, ahem, flushing your digestive system. Let’s just say that I haven’t eaten food in three days, but there is still poop for some reason. Like I said: GROSS. But just think – if I wasn’t flushing it out and down the toilet, it would still just be sitting inside of me, hanging out, setting up a permanent homestead. Better to have it out, I’d say. Toward the end of the day, things got a little worse, but I expected this. Most people claim the third day is the hump you have to get over as your body readjusts to what it can consume and where that happens in your body. So let’s just say I fantasized a lot about food and clicked “like” on a lot of recipes I found on Pinterest. All in all, it could have been worse. The key is distraction. I took a shampoo-free shower and got into bed to watch a movie and forgot all about it.

DAY FOUR: The food longing from day 3 kind of carried over into the morning. I felt extra tired, but that might also be because I was up too late watching the movie. Once I put on some dance tunes and did my make-up, I felt like a more normal me. Due to needing to get to work early, I skipped flushing my system. I feel like missing one day of this isn’t the worst thing in the world. Still just drinking water with a few squeezes of lemon juice, so go me! Halfway through! Thinking of it as being “halfway” is definitely helping my morale. I mean, I’ve made it this far, why stop? By afternoon, the annoyances of work distracted me enough that I didn’t even have time to think about food. Although I am peeing a lot. A LOT. More than I’ve ever peed in my whole life. Do most people pee this much? Jesus. I used to pee about once a day at work, but I’m probably at five or six times a day at this point. The only nice thing is that it further breaks up my day and separates me briefly from annoyances. Since I’m still experiencing general fatigue, I’m going to go to bed early tonight, skipping a movie in favor of dreams.

DAY FIVE: I can say with absolute certainty that I have crossed the hump. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have ever felt in my life. I wanted to leap out of bed and sing songs. I wanted to run a million miles (or at least to work). I felt invincible! People at work noticed the difference. There was a definite bounce in my step and everything seemed clearer around me – the world a little brighter. I think my skin even had a bit of a glow to it. A good night’s rest certainly helped bring this about, but it’s also more than that. I went to the movies and out to “dinner” (of course, I didn’t eat) with a friend tonight, and even though I watched her eat a delicious dish of crab & artichoke dip with french bread crostini, it didn’t even register with me. Probably because we were too busy being all chatty. But over all, day 5 has been the best yet.

DAY SIX: And still going strong! I wasn’t as energetic as I was yesterday, but that was partially the late night. I still feel good and strong and am generally unafflicted by hunger pangs. Toward the evening, I got sucked into staring at food on Pinterest again, but I’ve planned out my breaking of the fast next week and I think that helps. I know what I have to look forward too, and while it certainly isn’t glamorous, I am looking forward to eating food again. The taste, the texture, all of it except it actually being in my body...weird, I know. I’ve gotten used to this incredible empty feeling though. I feel like a bird, like I could almost fly. As much as I want to eat food again, and of course will, I sort of cringe thinking about the way it feels sitting in your stomach, like a rock. Even if you eat the right foods in the right amounts. Another problem today was just boredom. It’s good to be occupied on a fast, and today I was occupied mostly with pinning recipes on Pinterest. Fun, to be sure, but not as helpful as say, seeing the movie was last night. To make up for lack of sleep and to get away from food pins though, I am showering and going to bed early. Tomorrow is the long awaited day 7. (I say long awaited, but it seems like it got here fast!) Now the question is...can I go 8?

DAY SEVEN: Mission accomplished! Although I am going for day 8. That may prove tricky as the current plan for tomorrow includes more strenuous activity than I’ve undertaken on the fast. I still feel like I’ll be fine though. Today was a good day. And not that you were wondering, but the fast has not stopped me from getting a visit from Aunt Flow. I know! You totally don’t want to know! But the thing is, for the first time in...ever...I don’t have any cramps. It’s amazing and the reason is a mystery. I can’t link it directly to the fast, or the candida cleanse, but my hope is that both have worked to balance my wacky hormones. So back to day 7 – not much to say. A day like any other. Woke up, dreaded flushing my body like normal, but felt great afterward. Went to work, drank water, took a walk at lunchtime (I’ve been loving my lunchtime walks!) and then back to the computer. I left at a reasonable hour, headed home and got ready for my day out with my girlfriends tomorrow. I also got ready to do my first grocery shopping in over a week. It’s a short list since I’ll be easing out of the fast at a snail’s pace, but it all sounds delicious, especially the fruit, which I haven’t eaten in almost five weeks.

DAY EIGHT: I was up even earlier than a work day to get out to Maryland to meet up with the girls, but of course, it was totally worth it. We met for breakfast at a cute little place and I forced some more lemon water down my throat while admiring the smell of coffee (something I’ve never really had a taste for). I still don’t feel very tempted by the food of others, or at least I didn’t until our hiking plans turned into berry picking plans. Under sunny, clear blue skies, it is very difficult to pick berries and not taste one or two now and then. I found myself thinking, “Well, technically today is a bonus day...” but I stayed strong. Even after we went back to Angela’s house and she made fresh whipped cream and I sliced up some cheese and we laid out crackers and hummus. That is a post-berry-picking feast for queens, let me tell you. But again, I prevailed. When I got home later that night, I walked to the grocery store in the rain and bought my 10 items without much enthusiasm. I honestly am not looking that forward to eating again. I am...but I’m also not. So that’s it, I guess. Tomorrow’s the start of my new eating life and it all begins with fresh orange juice!



More to come on my “day 9” and the plan for easing out...