Click...

I heard a sound earlier today. A click. It wasn't particularly loud, but it was audible...noticeable...it definitely caught my attention. My first thought, in a moment of panic, is that yet another thing is going wrong with this house. What is it this time? More plumbing issues? The sump pump? Another mouse? Wait, let me guess, the furnace?

No. None of the above.

As I sat in the silence, listening carefully for the sound to repeat itself, I was hit in the head. Was it the ceiling? No. Had you going for a second there, right? Hee hee. Better not jinx myself!

It occurred to me that the distinct click I heard was the sound of a door closing. I suspect it was the door standing between me and my dreams. And perhaps the daily pressure around here finally forced it shut. That's not to say I won't be able to pry it open again later, but for now, it's vacuum-sealed, dreams squished tight in a space bag, packed away somewhere. At least I know they're still there. They're just out of sight and out of reach at the moment.

Not so many years ago, I was convinced that I could do whatever I wanted to do, be whoever I wanted to be, go wherever I wanted to go. But at the end of the day, when faced with responsibilities and uncertainties, those dreams get folded up neatly and put away, in favor of the reality that surrounds me. I'm not comfortable with uncertainty, but it's part of my vocabulary these days. If the present is uncertain, well, certainly then the future is uncertain, too.

Things have a funny way of working out--they always do, don't they? I'd just like for them to work out now. Sooner rather than later. Now. I'm looking for some instant gratification. For a good job to land in the hubby's lap or for us to find an eager buyer for our house. Of course, first a good job has to come along. And we don't have the "For Sale" sign in the yard yet. Maybe both will happen. Maybe neither will. Maybe a big surprise--preferably a good surprise, since I don't really like surprises--something to bring good fortune to the crazy, tired people living under this roof.

Perhaps a lottery ticket is in order this week.