More Than I Asked For

I need to quit asking for things when I know deep down that I don't really want them. I was feeling moody about the upcoming trip to Florida--it's like I wanted to go, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to go, because it would be fun to hang out with the hubby's extended family, it would be great to experience some warm weather, and most of all, what a wonderful surprise for his grandma, who is turning 75. That was the point of the whole trip--a surprise 75th birthday party. But I still wasn't sure. I mean, cramming in a trip to Florida, leaving Friday night and coming back Sunday afternoon? With an 18-month-old? Who would have to sit on our laps for the plane ride? Who is getting her 18-month shots the morning we're supposed to leave? Staying with the relatives who are hosting the party? Eeeek. And the relatives are awesome and so generous. They have a room all set up for us and they used their frequent flier miles to get us discounts on airfare. That's so sweet. But the thought of the chaos was just making me queasy. And in a moment of desperation, I thought to myself, "How can I get out of the chaos?" I should have silenced that thought before it was even fully formed. Just our luck, the munchkin got sick. I mean really sick. Wheezing, sneezing, fever. We had to do breathing treatments every two hours last weekend, then every four hours for a few days, then every six hours up until yesterday. I felt so guilty! So I thought, "Well hell. I didn't mean for her to end up sick. Now she needs to get better so we can leave on Friday. Sheesh. Why didn't I get sick instead?" Uh huh. I got it. I just got home from the doctor's office not too long ago. Major sinus infection, double ear-infection, crud in my chest. Lovely. I'm really p.o.'d because I was getting excited about the Florida sunshine. Stupid cold-turned-infection. I really need to quit asking questions.