What Food Best Describes You?

Someone told me this morning that I'm kind of crusty. Crusty? What the heck does that mean?

I started thinking about an old post from my dear sister about our closets--what our closets are filled with and what our closets say about us and I started thinking about food. Closets, food, I mean, they're practically the same.

Anyway, I guess if I had to compare myself to a food, I'd say I resemble a 2-day old doughnut. Hard and crusty on the outside. Rough around the edges. Tempting to someone who doesn't know any better, a curiosity to those who do. But if you can just get past that stony, jagged exterior, there are parts inside that are still very soft.

If you try to jump right in, I'll likely break your teeth, but if you dunk me in hot chocolate (i.e. give me some lovin' and be nice to me), I'll still melt.

And if I'm left out too long, ignored and disregarded, I'll get moldy and you'll end up with a nasty tummy ache.

I think that about sums it up. I am in a wacky, crazy mood today. Worse than yesterday. Hence, the crusty doughnut post. Good day, dear sisters.

Random Household Tips

I wonder if this really works? I love the idea that I could really clean my house in 19 minutes. I think one has to start with a clean house first, and THAT could present a bit of a challenge these days.

Toilet Paper Lint

Lately, I've found it hard to focus. Maybe it's been the sick baby this week, or the now waning moon, but I haven't been able to put together the type of post that I want. So, I'm going to complain about toilet paper lint. What is going on? It seems like there is an abundance of lint around my paper holder. I don't have time to clean toilet paper lint! If this keeps up, I'm going to switch brands.

Having a week like me? You can listen to one of my new favorite songs: Squirrels in My Pants.

Because it's my job to make you smile sometimes....

A Prayer For The Stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I cannot accept,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had

To kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on

Today as they may the connected to the ass that I may have

To kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work….

12% on Monday

23% on Tuesday

40% on Wednesday

20% on Thursday

5% on Friday

And help me to remember….

When I’m having a really bad day,

And it seems that people are trying to piss me off,

That it takes 42 muscles to frown and

Only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bit me!

Amen

Why Kids Love when a Parent is Home Sick

First thing after waking up...

Her: Mommy, can I eat an ice-cream cone for breakfast?

Me: Sure. But you have to eat an egg with it.

Her: Can I eat the ice-cream cone first?

Me: Of course.


Around 9am...

Her: Mommy, can I have cheetos? [which are actually low fat, organic, baked cheese puffs]

Me: Sure.


At noon:

Me: Honey, we have to go the store so I can buy some juice.

Her: Okay. Will you buy me a doughnut?

Me: Sure.


Around 1:30...

Her: Mommy, can daddy take me the store later and by the frog and rocketship? [a book that she wants]

Me: Well, you'll have to ask daddy. But I say sure.


I wonder what she's going to want for dinner tonight? Doesn't matter. You can bet my answer will be, "Sure."

Did You Know?

Snapple "Real Fact" #31

The average human eats 8 spiders in his/her lifetime while sleeping.

To be honest, I already knew this.
...But it doesn't mean that I want to see it on my juice lid.

Thought You Might Want to Know

Ahem. Half a package of chocolate covered sugar wafers does not mix well with Orange Crystal Light. My tummy hurts. Thank goodness the survey at work is almost done so I stop this crazy ass stress eating.

Proof in the Pictures

Last weekend, we took a short trip down to Arthur, Illinois for the Arthur Cheese Festival. My husband was there for the cheese, the kiddo was there for the fun stuff, I was there to take in the Amish surroundings. I had to restrain myself when it came to taking pictures, because the Amish don't believe in any graven images, which means no photos of them. It was hard, but I respected it.

I did, however, want to point out that they are just like everyone else in a lot of ways. Case in point, when things break down and they can't afford something brand new...

Now, just in case you can't clearly see the sign...here it is a bit closer.

I maybe should have saved this for Wordless Wednesday, but I couldn't wait. Maybe I'll post it on my other blog on Wednesday. If I remember. Which isn't likely. Because I'm busy. And crazy. More crazy than busy these days.

Funny Thing...

Funny joke for you...

A woman is meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time. During dinner, the mother insists she try some broccoli casserole, which she does. Afterward, her nerves and broccoli begin to work their magic and she begins to feel gas pains, leaving her terribly uncomfortable.

Hoping for the best, she decides to do what she can to alleviate the discomfort and lets out a dainty little fart. It's not terribly loud, but everyone at the table hears the faint "poof" sound.

Her boyfriends father immediately looks down at the dog dozing under the woman's chair and says in a stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman is relieved and a huge smile comes over her face. A few minutes later, the gas pains return and a little less hesitantly, she farts again, this time a bit louder.

Again, the father scolds, "Skippy!"

By now, the woman is not at all concerned and when the gas pains return yet again, she lets it out without a second thought, this time, good and loud. Rrrrriiiippppp!

This time the father can barely contain his disgust as he yells, "Dammit Skippy, get over here before she s***ts all over you!"

Hahahahaha. Nothing like a little toilet humor to kick off the weekend!